My heart is frozen.
The energy can't penetrate.
I desperately need to feel love again.
My lower back throbs.

I want to be strong I want to laugh along
I want to belong to the living
Alive, alive, I want to get up and jive
I want to wreck my stockings in some jukebox dive

Hell is the place where you feel no love. Total annihilation of the being is preferable to lovelessness. Love is the feeling of the Father's Word moving through the virgin filament of the Mother's creative play. I wanna go home to you Mommy and Daddy. I'm too alone in this plane. I'm blocking the love. I can't feel it anymore. I just wanna feel love again for a little while. I'm useless like this. Can I please be in your love for a little while? How much would it cost to feel loved again for just a little while? My faith is waning.

My tag us dead
I'm a sitting duck
For the blue-lighted raptors
Until I find the money to pay up
It's getting too expensive to keep me alive
I'm not ready to leave this life
But it costs too much to live
I MUST HAVE PAYING WORK
But I can not do mundane
Makeshift labor
Better done by the young
Just to earn a nominal wage
To keep my minimal expenses covered
Food in my mouth a roof over my head
I can't be steeped in wifi all day everyday
It makes me sick
Yes. It does!
I must do creative work
I became sick for years
From repressing my creativity
Because this world has no need for it
Answer the phone
Facilitate commerce
That's all that matters
I have so much to offer
I can draw and paint portraits
With likeness
I have a number of computer skills
Though a job only staring at a computer screen all day
Is worse than the prospect of death
I have a degree from Georgia Tech for Christ's sake!
That took hard work and intelligence to accomplish. Make no mistake.
I'm a certified Ayurvedic Life-Style Consultant
By the American Institute of Vedic Studies
Many years studying Ayurveda
20+ years studying and practicing yoga
I can write
I can dance
I can do and teach pretty much the entire gambit of homesteader skills
But I can't be in wifi
I can't answer a cordless phone for $10/hour
I have no experience in the food service industry
I have lots of experience working with the novel substance Ormus
Including argricultural experience growing with Ormus
And sea solids to remineralize the soil
I am a nice person
A kind person
A vegetarian
Please don't leave me all alone
I can't do it alone
I need help
Please
Make an effort
To see
I have something to offer
Please
Please
And I have an open channel to the spirit world.
Now I've scared you off
Only a crazy person
Practices yoga
The yoking of the lower self with the soul
Ingests Ormus
Which thins the barrier
Between the material
And spiritual
Again
Only a deluded drunk
Thinks she is hearing spirit
When Spirit guides her
Through direct interaction
In every effort
Of her life everyday
But her faith wanes
When no one believes her
Are you holding me Spirit?
Or do I have to face this all alone?
I spend too much time alone
Because it seems
I'm not worth the effort
To know
Go away
If you doubt my channel
I have no use for anyone
Who arrogantly judges me
To be too stupid to know my own truth
I have no interest
Tolerance
Or energy
To be put on trial by the blind and ignorant!
But I can't do it alone
I need people in my life
Who believe in me
Who employ me
With creative work
Who give me a reason to hold onto this plane
Because I'm finding few
The absolute
Thing I do not need
Is a low paid mental health counselor
Whose licensure depends on
Considering all considerations of the spirit world insanity
I will take my life
Unfortunately violently
Before I will ever ever ever take prescription mental health meds!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn everyone to hell who thinks I need them!
I deserve so much better than that
I've worked hard and brought integrity to my work and relationships
We all deserve better on this planet
She deserves better too
God Bless our $$$$God$$$$$
$o much more valuable than my God given expression
I am pissed that I consider suicide on a daily basis because I have not the energy to run on the wheel grasping federal reserve notes just to keep my lonely ass alive when none of my talents, no matter how valuable to me they seem, seem to matter to this world, at least enough to justify the $pricetag of keeping me alive.
Cheers my friends
It costs too much to live
I'm reaching out
To whoever
Will hear
And care
And not be too inconvenienced
To help
Or scared away
Because of my honesty
Because I'm not pretending
That I don't struggle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In this world
Of dime store psychology
Where negative feelings are swepted under the rug
We are only supposed to have so-called-positive feelings
"Your rant is negative Katherine."
Right. Pretend you don't ever feel 'negative' and tell yourself too that the Bush Admiistration did NOT attack us on 9-11-01 and use it as an excuse to unleash endless war and horrors upon the earth!
I've worked so hard
I've got so much to give
But can't seem to earn the money
To justify my keep
As a living being
Here
On penitentiary earth

READING 294-136 This psychic reading given by Edgar Cayce at his office in Pinewood on Lake Drive, Virginia Beach, Va., this 1st day of April, 1932, in accordance with request made by self - Edgar Cayce.

While there are those activities in a material world of those forces as emanate from spiritual sources, there may oft be seen contentions as to who occupies the greater place in the scheme of the developing of such forces in a material world. As visioned in this, these - then - are as of that one that would adhere the nearer to those promises as made by Him that gave, "I am with you always, even unto the END of the world! IF ye love me, KEEP my commandments, and I will abide WITH thee! Be not afraid, for I will not LEAVE thee comfortless," and this - though it may pass through all forms of contention and distress from the physical or material view - remains in the hearts and minds, and LIVES of individuals, and must make those alterations, even as seen. Be SURE that thou followest is of HIS understanding, HIS direction. DEPEND upon HIS presence, HIS activities;

As given, step by step, make the moves that are necessary, and in faith believing that "All things work together for good to those that LOVE His coming." More too often is it interpreted "love the Lord". But His COMING, for His promise was that "I will NOT leave thee comfortless, but will COME to thee."

(Q) Any message or counsel for the body at this time? (A) Be ye faithful; even as ye would have mercy show mercy; as ye would have peace give peace; as ye would have patience shown be patient with others; for only in the attributes OF the living forces of God may ye FIND God; NOT in the MATERIAL things that make of earth-earthy gratifications!

Just imagine what they could've done without their nasty habits: Bob Marley's dope and Vincent van Gogh's absinthe. If only. [Sarcasm mine.]

You know them by their fruits. The fruits of Bob Marley and Vincent van Gogh's performances on life's stage grow brighter even as the years since their stage exits pass.

Unruffle your feathers my temperance hens. Every little thing gonna be alright.